Writing your vows is one of the most important parts of your wedding day, but most of us aren’t natural writers. So, how do we convey our love to the most special person that we are committing our life to authentically?
Well, this blog post is for you! I’ve had the pleasure to have Anna with Ecstatic Ceremonies, write some incredibly helpful tips on writing your wedding vows.
Anna Socolofsky (she/her) is a vow writer, ceremony designer, and DIY wedding coach in Portland, Oregon. She’s all in for love and helps folks plan their own unique ceremonies, far away from the trappings of the wedding industrial complex!
Why Your Vows Deserve Better Than What You Can Find on The Internet – by Anna Socolofsky
“Hey, friend! If you opened up this article, you might be expecting (or hoping for!) a bullet-pointed list of all of the most important things to write in your wedding vows.
But ironically, as a vow writer, I just can’t write that list for you.
Give Yourself Permission To Write Authentic Vows
Now, I completely empathize with what you might be going through. I went through this myself when writing my own wedding vows. First of all, I was really nervous about writing something like this. It was a piece of writing that was extremely intimate– and it was going to be read aloud in front of others! Not only that, but it felt impossible to encapsulate my entire relationship in just a few paragraphs. I began editing every line in my head, which stopped me from getting anything down on paper. Nothing felt perfect, total creative block ensued, and I wished I could relieve the pressure by simply Googling what to include in my wedding vows.
If you’re in a similar situation, I totally get it. And even though I wish I could tell you what to write, I truly believe that no article on the internet can tell you what to include in your wedding vows. Just like your love, your promises to your partner are unique, and likely won’t fit into a generic structure you stumble upon online.
What I can give you is permission. Permission to write your vows in your own words, in your own way. I give you permission to ignore cheesy-sounding tips online, and comments about what the guests might think. Of course, if you’re part of a religious or cultural tradition whose traditional vows resonate with you, by all means, use them! But if you’re looking to write your own, seriously, this is your opportunity to speak from YOUR heart. It’s intimate to dig that deep, yes. But I promise you, friend, it’s so worth it.
Discuss Your Vow Structure With Your Partner
When you’re ready to start, talk to your partner. Find out what types of vows would mean the most to you. Do you want them to be identical, written collaboratively? Do you want them personalized, written independently and shared for the first time during your ceremony? What ratio of whimsical to more serious promises would feel best to each of you?
Top 3 Tips For Writing Your Wedding Vows
If you find yourself stuck, try using one of my top three tips for moving through the creative block that can come with writing your own vows.
1. Focus On What’s Important To You Now
Know that these vows, like a tattoo, are a snapshot of what is important to you now. It’s okay if you don’t capture every single memory or intention. It’s extremely difficult, if not impossible, to do that– because the nature of relationships is that they grow and change. Try to embrace that!
Try using this sentence starter: “Today, when I imagine our future [family/children/dynamic between us], I look forward to…“
2. Give Yourself Creative Boundaries
I swear, there is nothing less inspiring to creativity than a blank page that you have all the time in the world to stare at. Try giving yourself a time limit or structure to stick to, and see what happens. I recommend a short time limit (10 minutes max). You’ll find that once you get going, it’s easier to continue past the time limit– but that time limit will really help to get you started.
3. Get Help With Vow Writing If You Need It
If you’re struggling to write your vows yourself, there are people who can help! If you’re more of a verbal processor, consider hiring a vow writer who can listen to your love story, fall in love with it alongside you, and craft vows that truly reflect how you feel.
Let us know in the comments how your vow writing experience goes! Remember, these are YOUR words, and they matter. They deserve to be heard and received, surrounded by love and abundance on your wedding day. Dig deep– you can do this!”
Your Vows Are Your Own
As you’ve realized now, there’s no right way to convey your feelings to your soulmate. Whether that’s incorporating song lyrics, an inside joke, or writing a poem – your vows are limitless! If you are stuck and needing to get your vow structure together, don’t hesitate to reach out to Anna.